Speak Love

My friends I can no longer stay silent.

I am about to speak on something I am passionate about.

(What??  Ashton is passionate about something?  No way.  That's not like... oh wait.)

We are in dark days.  I do believe that our days are lighter and brighter than we are led to believe, but dark days nonetheless.  Division and hate are strong, and gaining strength.  Every day it seems there is a new agenda meant to widen the rift between people, and we are falling for it. 

Millenials vs. Baby Boomers.

Liberals vs. Conservatives.

Pro-choice vs. Pro-life.

Republicans vs. Democrats.

Gun reform vs. Pro 2-A.

In its simplest form,

Us vs. Them.

My friends, there should be no "us vs. them" in our world--let alone in our own nation, where we stand and recite "one nation (under God)".  How can be be "one nation" if we continuously point fingers and search for enmity between each other? 

Skin color doesn't matter.  Socioeconomic status doesn't matter.  Your stance on politics doesn't matter.  My stance on politics doesn't matter. 

You know what does matter?

Human hearts. 

Every single one of us, every single one, is a human being.  Why have we lost sight of that? 

Humans have different skin color, hair color, eye color.  Different strengths, different talents, different needs and weaknesses.  Different opinions.  Different backgrounds, different beliefs, different stories; different goals, dreams, and desires. 

Humans are different.  

That does not mean humans are divided.  

The more that I watch our world crumble into hate and violence and despair, the sadder my heart becomes.  Because it doesn't have to be so.

Speak kindly.  Speak respectfully.

If you do not agree with someone, still speak kindly and respectfully.  

Don't agree with that kid standing up and demanding gun reform because of a very recent, valid, and traumatizing event in his life?  Fine, then don't agree.  Listen, and then speak your own opinion--kindly and respectfully.  He's a teenager.  Maybe he'll learn as he gets older, maybe his opinions will change.  I'll bet you've had some opinions change over the years, as you have learned new information and experienced new experiences and grown through time and life.  Maybe it's a mistake for him to speak so fervently about gun control.  I'll bet you made mistakes when you were his age.  Listen, and then speak--kindly and respectfully.

Don't agree with that millenial shouting about a living wage because try as she might to live independently, it is impossible to both better herself through education and thus be better qualified for a higher paying job, and also provide for herself on $7.25/hour working 40 hours/week?  Fine, then don't agree.  Listen, and then speak, kindly and respectfully.  She might be doing her best.  Maybe there isn't a lot of other opportunity for her where she lives other than a minimum-wage fast-food job; maybe she can't afford to relocate to someplace that has more options, because she's working a minimum-wage fast-food job.  I'll bet you used to work a minimum-wage job too; and you know what else?  I'll bet you hated it just as much as she does.  Maybe you even complained just as much as she does, except that maybe she's handling it differently than you did.  Listen, and then speak, kindly and respectfully.

The divisive and accusatory rhetoric will get us nowhere, my friends.

It is dangerous for us to continue to foster hatred and anger towards each other.  Our country will not survive if we do not find some common ground.

The best way to start, in my humble opinion, is to listen--and now that you have, please speak your own thoughts. 

Kindly, and respectfully. 

Speak love.  Not hate. 

Love means not bashing people online when you disagree with them. 

Love means not spreading hateful comments, ignorant memes, snide remarks--online, or in person.

Love means listening, even if you don't agree.

Speak love.  Speak unity. 

And don't forget to listen.

Book Review :: "Furiously Happy"

This book made me laugh right out loud so often that my husband kept running into the bedroom to see what was so funny. If you are looking for a book that is simultaneously delightfully whimsical and terrifyingly relatable, this is a great one.

It is all about the author, Jenny Lawson (known on the Internet as "The Blogess") and how she decided to be as happy as she possibly could for the sole purpose of spiting her social anxiety and depression diagnoses.

Much profanity, watch out for that.

My rating:  * * * * *

I love books that can be real as well as entertaining. So often we are used to seeing what people sometimes refer to as the "highlight reel", or the Facebook version, of their lives--meaning, we only see the filtered, perfect-hair-and-makeup, right-lighting, posed version of people's lives, we don't often see the down-and-dirty, uglier-than-crap parts. But this book not only reveals those moments of the author's life, but begins to teach us to not only not be ashamed of those moments in our own lives but to celebrate them--we might even find our tribe that way.

How To Make Your Server Hate You in 10 Simple Steps

In case you didn't know, I've been picking up waitressing shifts at a local restaurant that has been my FAVE for years. Most of the time it's awesome--since I've eaten there pretty much as long as I can remember, it's super easy for me to recommend dishes for people in all kinds of circumstances. I've also experienced what I like to refer to as "the dregs of humanity". (It makes me sound smart, and also depicts how I feel about these people without using the profanity that might actually be warranted by how some of them act.) This post is dedicated to exactly how to make your server hate you--and some recommendations of how to avoid that happening, and making your dining out experience as pleasant as possible for all parties involved.

1.  Order Two Drinks.
Let's be real for a second. If you order a water AND a cola, are you really going to drink them both? *skeptical face* Probably not. I would say 98% of the time when someone orders both a water and a cola, the cola gets drained 2-3 times and the water remains totally untouched.
INSTEAD:
Request ONE of those drinks. If and when you finish, and your server comes to get you a refill, ask for the different drink instead. Save them a trip, and a cup for a diner coming in later. (Seriously, I can't tell you how annoying it is on busy Saturday evenings when people request two drinks and I'm already having to scrounge up two clean glasses at a time for people when they come in.)

2.  Change Everything On The Menu.
If you want to change a couple of things--i.e. sub black beans for the standard refried, or add more guac, etc--that's totally cool. But please, please don't ask for something and then change essentially everything about it, or worse yet order something that isn't even on the menu. It annoys your server because she has to enter all of your special-snowflake menu changes, and it annoys the cooks because, holla, they create the menus based on what they know how to make well.
INSTEAD:
As I stated above, if you need to change or modify a little bit, that's no biggie. But if you're ordering something and find yourself making more than four modifications, do everyone a favor and either pick something that is closer to what you really want, or else eat somewhere else. (K, I legitimately had a guest one time who asked me for pasta with no peppers, onions, or zucchini--basically just noodles--at a Mexican restaurant. I was like..."Olive Garden is five minutes that way, hun.") (Okay I didn't really say that but I wanted to. I also had someone sincerely ask me "What's the least Mexican thing on your menu?" I was like.....0.o ?????? Why are you even here?!)

3.  Tip Like a Jack***.
This one should just be common sense, but I cannot express how frustrating it is when you try your very hardest to make people happy--you make sure they never run low on drinks or chips and salsa, you make chitchat with them while they wait for their food/check, you make any adjustments that they request--and then they leave and you find out they've tipped you 10% or less. Here's the thing. I personally believe that tipping is stupid. I think every server should be paid at least minimum wage, and tipping should go back to what it was intended to be--giving someone a little extra when they really exceed your expectations. I'm not sure what happened to make people decide that tips are how servers should earn the majority of their living, but that's where we are now, and people need to understand and stop paying us such a pittance for the work we are doing. If you can afford to eat out, you can afford to tip 20%. Promise.
INSTEAD:
See above. If you can't afford to tip 20% of your final ticket price--more, if you feel like your server has earned it--then do everyone a favor and don't eat out.

4.  Be the Last One There.
Look around. It's generally never a good idea to be the last people in a restaurant--especially if it's kind of getting later or towards their closing time. Keep an eye on the other guests around you and try to time your outing so that you aren't keeping the servers, cooks, and managers there later than is strictly necessary.
INSTEAD: 
Come in a little earlier. Or, leave a little earlier. We don't have a problem with you coming in and staying to chat, or coming in close to our closing time, just understand that just like everyone else we are wanting to get out as soon as possible and we don't want to stay an hour past our normal closing time just to accommodate you. We will do so, and we won't complain to your face about it either, but you can bet you will be resented by everyone in the back room.

5.  Sit and Chat with Your Party for Five Hours.
This. So much this!!!! If you are going to stay and chat for two, three, four hours--no joke, that's happened--after you have paid for your meal, you are robbing that server of more tips that he could've been earning from other people, but instead you are taking up valuable table space and he won't make that tip money. Not awesome.
INSTEAD:
We don't mind you sitting and chatting with your friends for a while, but take a look around every once in a while. If you can see people waiting for a table in the lobby, it's a good idea to leave. If you really want to stay a little longer, drop a couple of dollars extra when you do leave, so that your server isn't totally screwed. Trust me, he will appreciate you so so much for it.

6.  Make a Scene When Your Food Isn't Exactly What You Wanted.
We are human. We make mistakes. The cooks are human. They make mistakes. Please, please be patient with us when it happens to you. We promise we aren't doing it on purpose (even if you do every single one of these things on this list). Especially if you've made alterations to the menu items; any deviations from the way it's listed on the menu increases our chances of missing something, forgetting something, or some other unfortunate thing coming between you and your delicious meal.
INSTEAD:
Seriously--just be patient. We will take it back and get it right this time. We know it sucks to wait a little longer for your food when the rest of your table is busy digging in, but we promise it will only be a few extra minutes--and you might even get a free dessert or something if you are nice to us.

7.  Bring Your Huge Party in to Eat Without Calling Ahead.
No, seriously, we love scrambling to find enough empty tables to push together and a server willing to take on a party of 20 on top of all their other tables. It's our favorite. NOT. Please, please don't do this.
INSTEAD:
Call ahead at least an hour. Give the manager time to find someone who wants the party (yes, some servers do prefer them, but others don't), time for that server to find tables and chairs and silverware for everyone, and just generally mentally prep for a loud, happy party of people. (Last night, one hour before close, a guy came in and was like "I have a party of fifteen..." and I'm not joking, the manager and me--the only server still at work because, again, one hour before close--were furious. Not cool, pal, not cool.) We love your big groups of people--just not without time to prep for them.

8.  Request a Different Table.
Believe it or not, the host/esses and servers have a system worked out. It's complicated, even if it might not seem like it to you, because it's a way of making sure that all the servers get (close to) the same number of tables and, hopefully, make about the same amount of money. (Yes, there will be fluctuation, but not as much as there would be if one server got ten tables and another server got three.)
INSTEAD:
BEFORE the host/ess sits you, ask for your desired table then. Like, as soon as you walk in, go up to the desk and say "We prefer a booth if possible." That way, she doesn't have to scramble to find an empty booth for you, but she can look for booths in that server's area. We get it that things happen sometimes, and this isn't the worst possible thing you can do, but if at all possible, try to stick with the table you're given.

9.  Put Up a Fuss When You're Asked for Your I.D.
 We promise we aren't carding you because we are mean. We're actually technically supposed to card everyone. In fact, cops set up Sting Operations (where they send in underage kids to ask for alcohol and the restaurant gets in a LOT of trouble if they serve it to them) for this very reason.
INSTEAD:
If you are planning to order alcohol, have your ID out and ready and please don't be offended if we ask to see it. Don't tell us how many times you've ordered alcohol at our restaurant and you've never been carded before. Just show it to us.

10. Let Your Kids Run Wild.
Trust me, I understand that kids can be loud. That's fine. But when they are climbing over and on top of tables and chairs and booth seats and kicking their sister's box of leftovers under the table so it spills all over the floor (yup, that happened) and screaming at the top of their lungs, it gets a little much for any server to handle.
INSTEAD:
They are kids, and we get that. We expect them to be a little loud, a little wiggly, a little out-of-control. But when you start to make your server be the babysitter, I guarantee she will be annoyed at you. She's not getting paid enough to be your babysitter so please don't make her do that on top of serving her other tables.



These are, granted, observations made by yours truly (and discussed extensively with the servers I work with). I'm not saying that every server will feel the same exact way about every issue. But as a general rule, this is what I've learned from being a server. Really, it's mostly about being a nice human and treating us like we are nice humans too! If we can all do that, the world would be a much better place, and no servers would be going home with empty pockets.

Live Tweet of a Dragon Egg Hatching

@T!nk3r.B311:  So...I found this thing hiking?  Like a snake egg but a LOT bigger, like a LOT. Ideas??? #ithinkitmightbeadragonegg #wthshouldido #whatdoesapersondowithadragonegg

@T!nk3r.B311:  Update:  I've decided to keep it and try to hatch it.  #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B3ll:  Update:  Researching dragon egg hatching methods online may cause strange looks from your SO.  #sorryhusband #sorrynotsorry #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  How am I supposed to keep this thing at 475 degrees constantly without a fireplace.  Also it's July.  #mysteries #toohot #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  Update: by using the oven.  #blondemoment #stilltoohotthough #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  475 DEGREES FOR SIX HOURS????!!!!  #UGH #toohotforthis #seriouslytoohot #whyamIdoingthisagain #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  (2 hours later)  Just finished re-reading Sorcerer's Stone.  Again.  #forthe47895thTime #Potterhead4Lyfe #bored #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  Update: In case anyone is wondering, watching an egg hatch is even less interesting than watching water boil.  #cuzittakeswaylonger #why #bored #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  So actually, has anyone ever done this???  Like I honestly have no idea what I'm doing.  #ProbablyABadIdea #help #INeedAdvice #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  4 HOURS IN AND THERE IS A CRACK.  REPEAT, THERE IS A CRACK IN THE SHELL.  #OMG  #THISISACTUALLYHAPPENING #PANICKING #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  Is it too late to change my mind???  #WheresHagridWhenYouNeedHim #SRSLYHELP #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  YOU GUYSSSSSSSSS.  ONLY ONE HOUR LEFT.  THERE ARE SO MANY CRACKS IN IT RIGHT NOW.  #OMG #YepItsHappening #ImGonnaHaveADragon #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  Is it normal to hear Velociraptor sounds coming from it at this point??  #FreakingMeOut #GuysHelp #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  WHY DID I DECIDE TO BRING THIS THING HOME #WHATWASITHINKING #HEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  IT'S POKING ITS LITTLE NOSE OUT.  I CAN SEE ITS NOSE.  OMG.  OMG.  #ItsAlmostOver #thinkingaboutrunningawayactually #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  THERE ARE TINY FLAMES COMING OUT OF THE CRACK WHERE ITS NOSE WAS.  IS THIS NORMAL.  #WhatIsHappningRN  #HELP  #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  It's all the way out now guys.  ...And now I REALLY have no idea what I'm supposed to do.  #babydragon #HatchingTheEgg

@T!nk3r.B311:  Welp.  Guess I have a dragon now.  #babydragon  #HatchingTheEgg
 

Historic

So today, June 26, 2015, is significant.
First, because today was payday.  Paydays are always significant (at least they are to me!).

Secondly, because today the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriage will now be legal in all states.

I have mixed feelings about this. 

On one hand, stagnation is something that will never be a reality in this country, or, for that matter, in our lives.  Things must always be in motion, and rightly so; stagnation leads nowhere.  We must always be moving, in one direction or another.

Part of me feels that this court ruling is a step in the right direction.  I'm married, and I cannot imagine a more amazing way to live out the rest of my life than to be forever bonded to the person who simultaneously drives me more crazy and also makes me happier than any other individual on the planet; it doesn't seem fair to me to deny anyone the joys and the madness that come from such a union.

However, I have been taught that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and essential to His plan.

To those who would call me ignorant, blinded, uninformed and/or uneducated, please still your insults.  I have, in fact, educated myself.  I have read articles from esteemed individuals on both sides of the issue; I have researched my own religion's somewhat uncomfortable past marriage policies; I have prayed and wondered and asked and questioned.  I have very dear friends who are LGBT individuals.  (Well.  I have LGB friends; no T yet.)  And I never for an instant have wished any one of them anything but the acceptance and love and joy and peace that I expect and seek from others in my own life.

I will be honest.  I have never received an answer to most of my questions concerning my LGB friends.  Never once have I heard a voice from heaven declaring that they should be allowed to marry whomever they please.  I've also never heard a voice condemning those individuals.

I do know this, however.  I know that I raise my hand several times a year and sustain Thomas S. Monson as prophet, seer, and revelator of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, of which I am a proud member.  Part of sustaining this man as a prophet, seer, and revelator means accepting that he is the mouthpiece of the Lord--meaning, the words that he speaks come from inspiration coming directly from God the Father and Jesus Christ.  Which means that I stand by what the prophet says.  Do I understand everything he says?  No.  Do I always agree with it 100%?  Not necessarily.  But I stand by him, because I promise to.  And because I stand by my Lord and Savior.

So to my LGBT friends, congratulations!  I'm so happy that the country is making steps toward trying to make sure everyone is treated equally.  I love you and I'm happy for you and I am glad that we are friends!  I will always try to treat you with all the love and respect that I have in me.  Please extend to me the same courtesy and respect my religious beliefs.

I've been seeing everywhere today, this:  #LoveWins.  Please keep in mind that love only wins when humanity as a whole treats each other with the same respect, tolerance, and acceptance that each individual expects and desires for him or herself.  Hate and disrespect us nowhere, no matter from which group it stems or to which group it is aimed at.   Keep that in mind next time you feel like making an unnecessary comment on Facebook, or sneering at someone's religious beliefs, or being cruel or unkind to anyone.  Remember today.  Remember the hashtag you've been using all day, and let's all strive to continue to let love win.

Right Now I Am...

Feeling.....itchy, from where my sunburn from Lake Powell is healing and turning into a nice rosy tan.
Watching....."The Office".  I can't help it--Jim pranking Dwight is my favorite thing!!
Smelling.....the lavender-chamomile dry shampoo I just rubbed into Lucky's fur.  Much better smell than her usual one.
Hearing.....Mufasa yowling at me because he's been stuck inside the house for three days; he's healing from an eye infection.
Reading....."The Red Garden" by Alice Hoffman.  (Does it count as reading if I'm actually listening to the audiobook?  I'm counting it.)
Wishing.....that this awful sore throat would go away.
Thinking.....I wish that the sugar detox I've decided to go on was easier.  So far I've been on it for three days, and given in to the craving for two of the three.  Fail.
Wondering.....how we survived as long as we did last summer without the swamp cooler.  (Even if I do have to wrap up in a blanket when it's blowing directly on me.  Whatever, judge me if you want.)
Wanting.....to go to bed.  My eyes are tired and itchy.  Also, wanting the cat to be quiet for JUST A MINUTE.
Planning.....to go to a very dear friend's bridal shower tomorrow night, get Lucky a rabies shot on Saturday, maybe actually clean my house and do laundry and make dinner....
Praising.....the fact that I'm (sort of) graduated from college!!  I'm super proud of myself.  It kicked my butt and I'll someday write a (very long, very detailed, don't-read-unless-you-are-okay-with-knowing-way-more-than-you-ever-wanted-to-about-my-program) post.
Loving.....my life right now.  There are so many things I have to be grateful for--my beautiful home, my two delightfully demanding pets, my amazing husband, the internship I've finally got lined up, my job...I don't express gratitude enough for all the wonderful things in my life right now.  I'm working on being grateful and more patient (read: less baby-hungry-OH-MY-GOSH-I-NEED-A-BABY-RIGHT-NOW) and more the person who enjoys the journey rather than just focusing on the destination.

Proud graduate of the Music Therapy program, of the Caine College of the Arts at Utah State University!!

Other proud graduates!  Guys.  We did it.

Best friend.  Mischief managed.

Why Showing the Disney Princesses with "Realistic Waistlines" is Completely Ridiculous.

So I've been seeing a lot of people "liking" and commenting on this link, and others like it.

Here's why it's bullsh*t.

1)  If you're going to start on about how unrealistic Disney's depictions of the princesses are, why would you start--or stop, for that matter--on their appearance?  

Think about it.  Almost all of the Princesses that we grew up watching had completely unrealistic lives.  Snow White's stepmother hired an assassin, who couldn't go through with it; she ended up living with seven MYTHICAL CREATURES in the forest instead.  Cinderella was treated like a slave when her father died, and her cruel stepmother was responsible, but with the help of TALKING MICE AND BIRDS she was able to attend the party at the castle, wearing GLASS SLIPPERS, meet her prince, etc.  Ariel was a MERMAID.  Jasmine was swept off her feet and onto a MAGIC CARPET.  Mulan defeated the Huns with the help of a MINIATURE TALKING DRAGON, AND HIS CRICKET SIDEKICK.  Belle lived in a castle where the FURNITURE WAS ALIVE.  

Do you see the problem with pointing out the unrealistic expectations set by Disney's ANIMATED princesses?  If you start with one thing, then you'd better be prepared to tell your little girl about every tiny little thing that Disney enchanted so that her expectations aren't blown out of proportion.

2)  Disney is not responsible for society's obsession with being thin.

All you have to do is look at the magazine rack in any given convenience store to realize this.  Models are primped, preened, made-up for hours at a time, photographed, and then stretched, airbrushed, photoshopped, and edited into the unrealistic ideals we see around us all the time.  Huge and perfectly perky boobs, a waist that a man could easily fit between his two hands, a round but toned butt, and legs that taper nicely with the thighs being perfectly fit and the muscles defined--oh, and heaven forbid if you have cellulite.

Disney's princesses are animated, and it's obvious that they're animated.  But if everywhere you turn you see women who, apart from their photoshopped features and figures, look real, OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO ABSORB THAT AS REALISTIC.  Cartoons aren't supposed to look real.  So, if they have tinier waists than is physically possible, FINE!  They're FAKE.  Get over it.

Not only that, but if you blame Disney for this unrealistic expectation, you'd better be ready to point your remaining fingers at Barbie and every other doll company out there.

3)  If we are criticizing Disney princesses for the way they look, that tells a lot about our society today.

Seriously, though.  Doesn't that point to a much deeper underlying problem?  Y'all are criticizing CARTOONS--ANIMATED PEOPLE--FOR LOOKING UNREALISTIC.  Why??  Doesn't that strike you as a little...pointless?  Can they change?  NO!  They aren't real.  Why not put your energy into something that matters, something that will actually make a difference.

Besides, even if you don't like the way they look, the princess movies have some pretty great qualities.  They give little girls something to hope for, dream about, wish for.  And they each, in their own way, teach every little girl that being herself is okay.  Snow White, Cinderella, Jasmine, Pocahontas--all of them.  Every single one is so different than all the others, and every little girl has a princess that she can relate to more than the others.  In my opinion, that's kind of a beautiful thing--something that has created so many different characters, and yet united millions and millions of people...yeah, I don't see a problem with that.

Also, if you criticize the princesses about the way they look, how is that going to translate to the little ones when they dress up as those princesses?  Aren't you ingraining even further the ideals we should be ridding ourselves of?

4)  Why stop at the waistlines?  Let's start on every other physically impossible feature.

I don't think it's healthy if your eyes are as big as Ariel's or Rapunzel's.  And please, let's not even start on the unrealistic expectations of hair.  (Seriously, has anyone not watched these movies and been ridiculously envious of the volume, the waves, the effortless style, and ugh, just....let's just stop.)

Pretty sure their feet and hands are all waaaaaaaay too small for their proportions.

See what I mean?  If you open this can of worms, you'd better be ready for the multitude of tiny impossibilities in every single Disney movie.

Don't get me wrong--I see where these artists are coming from.  I know the struggle of body image.  I've experienced it.  I just think they are going about change in the absolute worst way possible.  Animation is all about fairytales, things happening that probably wouldn't happen in a regular life.  That's kind of the point.  That's why they are so magical and so much fun!  Don't ruin it by picking apart stupid little things that don't matter.  Don't ruin the magic.