1. Order Two Drinks.
Let's be real for a second. If you order a water AND a cola, are you really going to drink them both? *skeptical face* Probably not. I would say 98% of the time when someone orders both a water and a cola, the cola gets drained 2-3 times and the water remains totally untouched.
INSTEAD:
Request ONE of those drinks. If and when you finish, and your server comes to get you a refill, ask for the different drink instead. Save them a trip, and a cup for a diner coming in later. (Seriously, I can't tell you how annoying it is on busy Saturday evenings when people request two drinks and I'm already having to scrounge up two clean glasses at a time for people when they come in.)
2. Change Everything On The Menu.
If you want to change a couple of things--i.e. sub black beans for the standard refried, or add more guac, etc--that's totally cool. But please, please don't ask for something and then change essentially everything about it, or worse yet order something that isn't even on the menu. It annoys your server because she has to enter all of your special-snowflake menu changes, and it annoys the cooks because, holla, they create the menus based on what they know how to make well.
INSTEAD:
As I stated above, if you need to change or modify a little bit, that's no biggie. But if you're ordering something and find yourself making more than four modifications, do everyone a favor and either pick something that is closer to what you really want, or else eat somewhere else. (K, I legitimately had a guest one time who asked me for pasta with no peppers, onions, or zucchini--basically just noodles--at a Mexican restaurant. I was like..."Olive Garden is five minutes that way, hun.") (Okay I didn't really say that but I wanted to. I also had someone sincerely ask me "What's the least Mexican thing on your menu?" I was like.....0.o ?????? Why are you even here?!)
3. Tip Like a Jack***.
This one should just be common sense, but I cannot express how frustrating it is when you try your very hardest to make people happy--you make sure they never run low on drinks or chips and salsa, you make chitchat with them while they wait for their food/check, you make any adjustments that they request--and then they leave and you find out they've tipped you 10% or less. Here's the thing. I personally believe that tipping is stupid. I think every server should be paid at least minimum wage, and tipping should go back to what it was intended to be--giving someone a little extra when they really exceed your expectations. I'm not sure what happened to make people decide that tips are how servers should earn the majority of their living, but that's where we are now, and people need to understand and stop paying us such a pittance for the work we are doing. If you can afford to eat out, you can afford to tip 20%. Promise.
INSTEAD:
See above. If you can't afford to tip 20% of your final ticket price--more, if you feel like your server has earned it--then do everyone a favor and don't eat out.
4. Be the Last One There.
Look around. It's generally never a good idea to be the last people in a restaurant--especially if it's kind of getting later or towards their closing time. Keep an eye on the other guests around you and try to time your outing so that you aren't keeping the servers, cooks, and managers there later than is strictly necessary.
INSTEAD:
Come in a little earlier. Or, leave a little earlier. We don't have a problem with you coming in and staying to chat, or coming in close to our closing time, just understand that just like everyone else we are wanting to get out as soon as possible and we don't want to stay an hour past our normal closing time just to accommodate you. We will do so, and we won't complain to your face about it either, but you can bet you will be resented by everyone in the back room.
5. Sit and Chat with Your Party for Five Hours.
This. So much this!!!! If you are going to stay and chat for two, three, four hours--no joke, that's happened--after you have paid for your meal, you are robbing that server of more tips that he could've been earning from other people, but instead you are taking up valuable table space and he won't make that tip money. Not awesome.
INSTEAD:
We don't mind you sitting and chatting with your friends for a while, but take a look around every once in a while. If you can see people waiting for a table in the lobby, it's a good idea to leave. If you really want to stay a little longer, drop a couple of dollars extra when you do leave, so that your server isn't totally screwed. Trust me, he will appreciate you so so much for it.
6. Make a Scene When Your Food Isn't Exactly What You Wanted.
We are human. We make mistakes. The cooks are human. They make mistakes. Please, please be patient with us when it happens to you. We promise we aren't doing it on purpose (even if you do every single one of these things on this list). Especially if you've made alterations to the menu items; any deviations from the way it's listed on the menu increases our chances of missing something, forgetting something, or some other unfortunate thing coming between you and your delicious meal.
INSTEAD:
Seriously--just be patient. We will take it back and get it right this time. We know it sucks to wait a little longer for your food when the rest of your table is busy digging in, but we promise it will only be a few extra minutes--and you might even get a free dessert or something if you are nice to us.
7. Bring Your Huge Party in to Eat Without Calling Ahead.
No, seriously, we love scrambling to find enough empty tables to push together and a server willing to take on a party of 20 on top of all their other tables. It's our favorite. NOT. Please, please don't do this.
INSTEAD:
Call ahead at least an hour. Give the manager time to find someone who wants the party (yes, some servers do prefer them, but others don't), time for that server to find tables and chairs and silverware for everyone, and just generally mentally prep for a loud, happy party of people. (Last night, one hour before close, a guy came in and was like "I have a party of fifteen..." and I'm not joking, the manager and me--the only server still at work because, again, one hour before close--were furious. Not cool, pal, not cool.) We love your big groups of people--just not without time to prep for them.
8. Request a Different Table.
Believe it or not, the host/esses and servers have a system worked out. It's complicated, even if it might not seem like it to you, because it's a way of making sure that all the servers get (close to) the same number of tables and, hopefully, make about the same amount of money. (Yes, there will be fluctuation, but not as much as there would be if one server got ten tables and another server got three.)
INSTEAD:
BEFORE the host/ess sits you, ask for your desired table then. Like, as soon as you walk in, go up to the desk and say "We prefer a booth if possible." That way, she doesn't have to scramble to find an empty booth for you, but she can look for booths in that server's area. We get it that things happen sometimes, and this isn't the worst possible thing you can do, but if at all possible, try to stick with the table you're given.
9. Put Up a Fuss When You're Asked for Your I.D.
We promise we aren't carding you because we are mean. We're actually technically supposed to card everyone. In fact, cops set up Sting Operations (where they send in underage kids to ask for alcohol and the restaurant gets in a LOT of trouble if they serve it to them) for this very reason.
INSTEAD:
If you are planning to order alcohol, have your ID out and ready and please don't be offended if we ask to see it. Don't tell us how many times you've ordered alcohol at our restaurant and you've never been carded before. Just show it to us.
10. Let Your Kids Run Wild.
Trust me, I understand that kids can be loud. That's fine. But when they are climbing over and on top of tables and chairs and booth seats and kicking their sister's box of leftovers under the table so it spills all over the floor (yup, that happened) and screaming at the top of their lungs, it gets a little much for any server to handle.
INSTEAD:
They are kids, and we get that. We expect them to be a little loud, a little wiggly, a little out-of-control. But when you start to make your server be the babysitter, I guarantee she will be annoyed at you. She's not getting paid enough to be your babysitter so please don't make her do that on top of serving her other tables.
These are, granted, observations made by yours truly (and discussed extensively with the servers I work with). I'm not saying that every server will feel the same exact way about every issue. But as a general rule, this is what I've learned from being a server. Really, it's mostly about being a nice human and treating us like we are nice humans too! If we can all do that, the world would be a much better place, and no servers would be going home with empty pockets.
